The black, the white and the grey

I was randomly reading stuff on the web when I chanced to read an article on autism – a developmental disability and how the world in their mind is ruled by two colors-the black and the white (the concrete and clear). More-so in the sense, the rules are clear to them – it’s either right, hence white or wrong-the black. They might not well understand the meaning of language that is ambiguous or abstract (the gray). So words like ‘wishy-washy’,’if’,’maybe’,’either-or’ are confusing.

Gray area is precisely the area, where different rules apply to different people in different time on a different day- all in all, it’s confusing, unpredictable and unfair in their mind.However the ‘brick and mortar’ life don’t always pan out scenarios that be categorized into plain black or white. In such cases mostly our action and reaction are situational- guided by the individual’s ability to rationalize and his/her conscience.

Let us delve more on the gray life scenarios, where people can have a varied opinion,  but for me the demarcation of right and wrong is blurred here.

I remember, once a dear friend of mine-let’s call her A-for the sake of anonymity, gave money to a family seeking financial help on the sony world junction road, koramangala and mind you-she is not overtly emotional or irrational. I am pretty sure, she had her reasons or just plainly put-she hoped for once her rational mind was wrong and it was not just another act of fooling people.

I have done such act too, albeit in a different scenario-for a teenager who worked and had financial constraint(No, I am not preaching a reckless donation of one’s hard earned money to fake causes – there is a difference between supporting and being tricked) . I had my rational argument- how much the said amount would mean to me and how much would it mean to him. Would it make a great difference if I never recovered the amount? Though on the flip side I never saw that teenager again after the said amount was lent -we might be quick to reach that a man who does not acknowledge atleast the ‘act’ is not man enough. Maybe;

Maybe I was tricked or maybe he was never in a condition of paying back so he just ghosted. Well, there are two ways to be a fool – one is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to accept what is true.

It was more a ‘maybe’ situation for me- the gray, where I choose to ‘believe’……and I am hopeful that I would continue choosing ‘to believe’ in the future too!



Boys don’t cry

I am certain that some of you may have come across this beautiful short film by Vinil Mathew.

STOP CRYING- ARE YOU A GIRL-BOYS DON’T CRY – how convenient it is to label crying as a girl thing. Is it not the same to squishing two birds with the same stone?

I have read somewhere that sensitivity is the sign of life – Better hurt than hardened. Stone is hardened but it’s lifeless too!

Toughen up boys‘  is the most common expression we get to hear in real life. I’m curious, what does the word tough mean? Toughness does not mean lacking emotions and sentiments for sure. Toughness does not mean wearing an armor of denial either. Is it right to throttle the real self and fit into the picture of macho-ism the society has fabricated. Hitting a woman does not make a man-a more-man. I want to tell all such-to save your outrage for things that matter.

Tough are the ones who recognize courage at the heart of vulnerability, are righteous and open hearted. Tough are the ones who do the right thing irrespective of circumstances. They are not the ones who bow and give up, but rise above them. It is the character of the man’s mind which defines his toughness.

Are we raising our boys right by molding them unnaturally at a tender age? Should we not stop categorizing emotions based on gender? Should respect be not a precursor to “man”-kind only?

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but If I happen to mother a male-child (though I secretly wish for a girl-child 😉 more), I know what are the basics that I am going to teach because in the end the open-hearted wins and inherits the earth.