C’est la vie-That’s Life.

There is nothing interesting that you will read in my blog today.There is nothing funny either.Just my usual blabber and reflections.I am making a disclaimer too – Following is not a happy,cheery post..so read at your own risk.

Someone I am emotionally close to is going through a grey patch in life and is withering fast.I have always known him to live a glorious life marked by generosity and a heart of gold,but the ending does not look promising.Ending that is irreversible, personal,a fait accompli and is by all means meant to scurry out.

I regret now that I don’t spent enough time with my loved ones.I regret that I have been busy buying happiness when it can be ‘stumbled upon’ unexpectedly.Happiness to me is – listening to the stories that my “old man” has for each day and each occasion,wanting to hear his voice,be in his comforting presence. Happiness to me is – as simple as sharing a meal together. Even then,I am not sure if that is happiness or contentment or if I can use them interchangeably.

Sickness of someone close makes me realize the brevity of life and the mortality.That’s the point when I end up questioning if this is it ?If it is worth the petty issues that keep us pinning down.if it is worth holding grudges?

Quoting Paul H Dunn in verbatim ~”Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it’s too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow.”

we are so active pursuing what we think happiness is that we fail to realize it’s right here with us.I say we live the moment and live it to the fullest,make it worthwhile by sharing, participating, stopping and noticing!

flaking out temporarily..Only to reappear..see you around.

snoopy

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Truth and Dare

My lame search for a topic to update my blog post takes me to different places.I pick a topic that looks worth a post, linger over it for a while, only to move on to next.Until I stumble and find these two strong words -‘Truth and dare’ In this digital age, everyone is in the mad rush to make/get an update.I propose we better call ourselves information mongers and not human. Thanks to the boom in electronic communication, we have a myriad of application to choose from, based on the concept of ‘keeping in touch’.But what does it reduces us to? Has it not left us with a constant nagging itch.A fear that is undying and irrational- “Fear of missing out”(I can see a number of heads nodding in agreement).Fear of missing on the next biggest thing, gadget, personal update of friends/anonymous people! WhatsApp-Facebook-Twitter Hey, don’t judge me here, I am not condemning technology that’s my bread and butter.I am just trying to reason out that where do we draw a line and say that’s enough. Are we not on the verge of reducing relations to “face-in-book” and “what’s crapping”. I believe nothing can replace a human touch even if it’s an accidental bump or a familiar nudge.No skype experience is as good as a face to face meeting with a friend and No texting can replace a familiar voice on the other side of a phone.I dare we do a real thing for a change. Here is the list of dare for me, feel free to frame your own 🙂

-Dare: talk to a stranger in real(Not some online befriending).

-Dare: share your deepest darkest secret to the person next to you.

-Dare: switch off your laptop for a week.

-Dare: Move to an area with no network signals.Put down your phone for a day.

-Dare: Get into contention with your boss and slip “numbskull” into your conversation:-P (okay I did digress on this one)

Soo…How daring are you? 🙂

Thank you for smoking

thank-you

I and my girlfriend had an extended luncheon plan for the weekend. Being the usual lazy ass that we are, the original schedule of shopping, lunch, gossip and coffee got pushed to just gossip and lunch-two indispensable act for survival- food for thought and the belly.

Venue details shared. Bargain done. I hopped in an auto. The autowala(hired help)  looked confident enough to know the place. All was in semblance until he decided to smoke.

Moi(requesting earnestly) Smoking in public places is prohibited.

lui-nonchalantly-just ignoring me and enjoying his puff. Pretending he heard nothing.

Moi-(again in a bit of steely voice thinking at the back of mind- what does he think of himself – A hipster doofus) Please put out the smoke. I am allergic to it.

lui-(seemingly taking a notice) Err madam can I finish just this one.

Moi-(A bit authoritatively) Can you do it after dropping me.

lui( Doing eager faster puffs with sheepish grin) why are you allergic to smoke?

Moi-(alarmed that I am dealing here with a butthead and now, in a more guarded tone) It makes me sick and would make you too one. (Playing on the psychological game of invoking fear of death)

lui-(still blowing confidently) But the smoke of the vehicle too is dangerous. Ain’t you breathing it too.

Moi-(understanding the remark that if one argues correctly, one is never wrong- well played!) I can’t avoid the traffic smoke but I can certainly avoid the cigarette smoke.

Lui-(giving me a look as if he’s a superior kind who has got fire in his hand. Smoke and fire is, literally, coming right out of my mouth.? Using his persuasion skills) It is a thriving business madam. I have seen girls of your age, smoke.

Moi-(the conversation, exceeding my patience limit, I am seething on the inside) I don’t smoke and encourage neither. If you wish to continue smoking, drop me midway and charge the half price.

Lui-(taking a long puff and relenting) Throwing the stub and just driving in silence.

Moi-(getting down at the scheduled venue contemplating on what had just happened) Handling the cash.

Should I thank him for not smoking? We both knew what had just happened. He had  intelligently managed to smoke most of the way. All that I could utter as I handed him the cash was “thank you for smoking” :-/.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

Each year, brings with it a plethora of events and with them, come new people. The new with the gradual passage of time become old and indispensable -amassing a greater importance to become an alternate lifeline while some are just lost in time and memory…. Too faded to even raise a picture in mind!

This time of the year tends to make me retrospective. I can’t deny its a bitch sometimes.The evaluation of choices that are either circumstantial or through thought after weighing the pros and cons ain’t always a merry ride. The choices that made you, what you are -in the end.

Reminiscing about the simple joy of making cards from crayon and glitter to friends and family…. The silly, childish joy of sleeping in one year and waking in another and confused numerical change in a year.

The sources of joy have matured and graduated from dancing till the wee hours on borrowed music to a sane group dinner and chatter. One thing that has stayed on, is the anxious zeal to witness the unfolding of the new year and a secret wish to let the coming year be a more joyous, more satisfying and enlightening one.

So closing 2014 behind to let the anticipation of 2015 take over.Wishing a great new year to the known and anonymous.

With a promise to my one wild precious life that I will continue to live it passionately.

Signing off with a dose of Calvin and Hobbes -cheerios until we meet again

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Boys don’t cry

I am certain that some of you may have come across this beautiful short film by Vinil Mathew.

STOP CRYING- ARE YOU A GIRL-BOYS DON’T CRY – how convenient it is to label crying as a girl thing. Is it not the same to squishing two birds with the same stone?

I have read somewhere that sensitivity is the sign of life – Better hurt than hardened. Stone is hardened but it’s lifeless too!

Toughen up boys‘  is the most common expression we get to hear in real life. I’m curious, what does the word tough mean? Toughness does not mean lacking emotions and sentiments for sure. Toughness does not mean wearing an armor of denial either. Is it right to throttle the real self and fit into the picture of macho-ism the society has fabricated. Hitting a woman does not make a man-a more-man. I want to tell all such-to save your outrage for things that matter.

Tough are the ones who recognize courage at the heart of vulnerability, are righteous and open hearted. Tough are the ones who do the right thing irrespective of circumstances. They are not the ones who bow and give up, but rise above them. It is the character of the man’s mind which defines his toughness.

Are we raising our boys right by molding them unnaturally at a tender age? Should we not stop categorizing emotions based on gender? Should respect be not a precursor to “man”-kind only?

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but If I happen to mother a male-child (though I secretly wish for a girl-child 😉 more), I know what are the basics that I am going to teach because in the end the open-hearted wins and inherits the earth.

Yaa gotta see the baby

I  think of myself as someone who has never been a great hit with kids, more precisely the small kid – one that is incapable of expressing. Leaves a lot to figure out for you. ..Crying probably needs to sleep.. Crying probably needs food… Crying probably gassy… Crying probably needs a change of diaper. Argh! A lot of guess work in the end. How on the earth can one decipher sounds like owh,Eh,Neh,Eairh,Ehhh.

Do they mean like :

Owh – I’m sleepy / change me 
Eh – Burp me /change me / I’m sleepy
Neh – I’m hungry/change me yet again/ I might be sleepy
Eairh -I have gas

If someone invites me to see their newborn.I am mostly clueless about the behavioral protocol.

Mother of the baby: You wanna pick her up?

moi: Aah jez, I better not.

Baby enthusiast comes to the rescue:I’ll pick her up! (Sigh of relief -yayiee I am saved)

Reinstating – I am not a child hater either. Guess the idea of hurting the little fragile being keeps me at bay . I am always scared to hold the tinny-tiny one picturing in my head that I might accidentally drop and hurt it (yes- I have a vivid imagination and all is not rosy in there :-P). Like oil and water, we never really make an effort to mingle. Even in the same glass, we maintain our densities. I like admiring the small ones from a distance :-P, good, as long as they are in someone else’s arm.

But, well perceptions do not always stand the test of time. Do they? Mine are busted too! It is one cloudy afternoon of July that I am introduced to this kiddie-wink and I fall in love the moment I Iay my eyes upon her – pretty much like love at first sight.Her name is Annika – my niece. She has the perfect angelic face and a naughty glint in her eye. Little can you do and not be drawn towards her. Apprehensive as always, I meander just close to her. My cousin – the father, initiates me to hold her for a while.I take anxious reluctant baby steps towards her. I hold her with utmost care and the connect is almost instantaneous. She is perfectly warm and soft like a ball of fur. She keeps tilting and rubbing her head on my shoulder, brushing her cheeks on to mine. Her belly making strange, funny noises. It is one of the most beautiful moment that I cherish till date! I keep rocking her and singing a lullaby until she is asleep. As I write this post – I miss her her infectious giggle that cheers every bit of me.  Cuddling, snuggling this munchkin will be perfect right now or at any moment 🙂

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Anikka -the kiddy

Quoting Chandler Bing in verbatim –  someone that small can’t be scaryonesies She has liberated me in a way. Kids out there – Booyah you don’t scare me-No more!

Touch is Electric :-P

Ahem !

Disclaimer: A bit mushy post ahead. Skip if you do not have a romantic bone in your body.

electric _touch

Ages ago I remember having a casual conversation with a good old friend – V, he mentioned that the first touch of a girl (gal of his liking during those times) was electrical – more like a current through the body. The rational me reasoned that it is impossible and it’s all after effect of Shahrukh khan’s (his fav those days) Bollywood flicks that he was watching added to his hopeless romantic demeanor.

Romantic theories resembling straight out of Yashraj movie plot could never fascinate me. I am probably far too practical to fall for all that nonsense ( apologies to the yashraj banner and also people who resonate with their storytelling). I am not denying that there is never a feel good that I felt after watching them, but I find them far too good to be true. Plot with damsel in distress – prince charming coming to rescue, socio- economic divide saga, actor singing song and actress playing the seductress (15 costume change in 3 min song) -sorry! Not my cup of tea.

I believe in practical love – if it exists -is it an oxymoron in itself? How can love be practical or can it be ? Did I lack the courage to commit to someone – Answer is no. I will commit only if I am convinced and feel its worth. I have read that love isn’t a decision and I believe it can’t be and also that you are never too old for cheesy. So here’s wishing that someday maybe I too will have such effect on somebody :-P.

Anyways, I am currently hooked on this track from Frankie Vallie :-). Hope ‘some’ guy some day dedicates this one to me! *blush blush*
Sigh!!

The Scars of “Abuse”

Dream and subconscious mind have a close association. Many studies have shown that when a person sleeps his/her conscious mind sleeps too but the subconscious half remains awake! Working round the clock, thinking and weaving solution to the problems that were either too mundane or too exhausting to deal with in real life.

I am jolted yet again by the subconscious self! I dreamt! Now that I ponder, it could all be attributed to the series of child rape, sexual abuse that I read repeatedly in the dailies. I dreamt that my cousin (though I feel her more of a sibling/ my alter ego) has confided in me the gory past of her traumatic childhood experiences. Experiences of sexual abuses she had as a child in the hands of “the bhaiyas”,”the uncles”, the trusted ones and insider in the family! It was shocking.  I vividly saw myself holding her hand in mine and tending her with motherly affection. Shedding a tear with her.. Feeling sorry that It did happen and that the past cannot be undone – like erasing a bad drawing from the canvas. But what I did promise was to accompany her in all her confrontation. To abuse the abusers in front of their loved ones. “The ones” who in the daylight play perfect gentleman. To expose their ghastly act publicly to every single human they possibly know. Scar them for life! Scar them possibly forever. Doing an eye for an eye – The law of retaliation….. Doing a highway – playing the “Veera” (protagonist from the movie Highway). I was awake now – subconsciously as well as consciously. I might have cried in my dream, but my tears were real.

After a dream like that, you are grateful that it was just a dream. I lay in my bed questioning should I be happy about the fact that it was only a dream – A bad dream?? Anger, Sorrow and fear were the feeling that I was crippled with. Anger against the ones who for the sake of momentary pleasure ruin the lives of innocent and betray the trust. It’s hard for me to not feel rancor towards the “beast” who commits such ghastly-unmanly-animal like act. Sorrow for the ones who go through such experiences, which leaves them shaken for life. I wonder what is left behind is a stirred soul incapable of trusting. Incapable of believing that the relationship can be good and fulfilling too. Fear for the condition that It’s still very prevalent and there are many more “veeras” who are suffering in silence.. Not knowing what’s happening to them (either they are too innocent to know or are fearful to say out loud – “jerk – back off”)

PS : http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/people/India-a-nation-of-child-sex-abusers/articleshow/33611945.cms Stats show 53% of children in our country are victims of sexual abuse.I strongly believe it’s much higher than this. Many of them go unaccounted for!

Hope.

“Andy Dufresne: [in letter to Red] Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”- One of my favorite dialogue from the movie – The Shawshank Redemption.

I expect life to be chaotic, but well intended, at times mismanaged but sincere,  unpredictable?? Well, that’s life! Isn’t it. Each day unravels itself in the most mysterious manner. The chakra from days to a month, months to years,  years to decade and to ultimate decay continues steadily and unceased. Time runs away.. Time goes astray.. We at times may relive the same old shit on different days.

So what is it that keeps the mortal going despite all the odds,atrocities and leads to final redemption.H.O.P.E!! – Changes everything. It’s the little voice that whisper ‘maybe’ when it seems the entire world is shouting no. So let HOPE prevail! Let all good things prevail – Amen.